


Multiply

by babytobin_horse



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-09
Updated: 2014-12-27
Packaged: 2018-02-08 04:28:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1926630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babytobin_horse/pseuds/babytobin_horse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A various assortment of one shots and drabbles based on/inspired by songs from Ed Sheeran's album 'x'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Don't

[ _Don’t fuck with my love. That heart is so cold._ ]

 

You weren’t sure what to think when you first saw her. She had the laid back vibe that was the complete opposite of yours. You knew her. Of course you did. Who didn’t know Tobin Heath? You just didn’t realize how attractive and charming she could really be until she was standing in front of you with that lazy smile and spark in her eye that drove you wild. She had you reeled in as soon as she introduced herself, but you didn’t need an introduction. You already knew her. Of course you did. Tobin Heath, nutmeg queen. Injured for your first year on the senior team but now she was back and she had you interested.

 

Greetings turned to friendship which turned into flirtations that turned to kissing which led to sleeping with each other one night at your second camp together. You made it clear you didn’t want another relationship, and you assumed she just needed a stress reliever so you let it happen. But one time turned into two times and then soon enough three times before one last night with the promise of next camp.

 

Soon enough, it becomes clear that it wasn’t a friendship Tobin was looking for all along and you’re completely okay with that. Hook ups are no longer reserved for camp, but she’s over at your place now, ordering pizzas and drinking at night at least twice a week. Before you know it she has her things in your bedroom and her clothes all over your floor never getting picked up in the morning. She loves that you practically spoil her, and she spoils you too every night in bed.

It’s a steady lifestyle of living together and working together and you really wouldn’t have it any other way. It seems you’re now attached at the hip and your teammates relentlessly tease the both of you about it, but there’s something different about the way Tobin’s closest friends do it that worries you. Of course you shrug it off because she says there’s nothing to worry about. You wouldn’t call this a relationship, but this isn’t just hook ups anymore. It’s turning into something real and though you didn’t want commitment, you like having Tobin around for more than just every few nights.

 

One camp there’s a newbie called in. Her name’s Christen Press. And by the way Tobin eagerly introduced herself you should’ve known, but you didn’t because you allowed yourself to believe that Tobin was beginning to like your steady lifestyle as well. The third day of Christen’s first camp you’re on the way to your room when you see them up against the wall, mouths connected. It makes you trip over your shoes, but they don’t notice, too busy exploring each other’s tastes and it makes you sick. Christen’s hands are all over Tobin. Your Tobin. Was she yours?

You rush into your room and slam the door loud, hoping it’s enough to break them apart. You’re confused because you thought Tobin was content with you yet she’s kissing the rookie. You try to shake it out of your mind and when Tobin walks into the room, you’ve already turned off the lights and said goodnight.

 

Just nights later you’re walking down the hall and there Tobin is, pressing Christen up against the rookie’s hotel door, hands and tongue feeling everywhere. It’s repulsive and sickening and you’re trying not to feel anything, but you do because maybe just maybe you were feeling too much. You hold in a gasp when you see Tobin’s hand slip under rookie’s shirt. Christen giggles and clumsily unlocks her hotel door before Tobin pushes her inside. You storm into your hotel room and throw the first thing you see as your eyes sting.

 

One week later at the end of camp there’s a rapping at your door. You open it to find Tobin with tears streaming down her face. You and Tobin haven’t spoken in the past week, and you even switched rooms with someone at the very end of the hall so you didn’t have to lay in bed and listen to the two of them moaning next door. It was pretty clear why you weren’t on speaking terms, but Tobin had made no move to argue her case. She simply continued to fuck Christen.

You’re not sure how, but a minute later you’re both sitting on the edge of your bed. She’s crying onto your shoulder and you’re rubbing her back slowly. Why are you comforting her? Your fury begins to rise again as you ask why she’s even in your hotel room. Between her sobs she spits out apologies and excuses and how Christen was the worst mistake because all Tobin wants is you.

Christen wasn’t you and it took her too long to realize that, she says. She wants forgiveness, you know it. She wants you to take her back into your arms and allow her to come back into your life the way she used to be. She admits out loud that she’s fallen for you and it’s all that she can think about even with Christen. But you only know it’s because you stopped talking to her.

You didn’t walk into this expecting to fall for Tobin Heath. You didn’t want commitments or promises or anything of the sort, but it was never just a good fuck with Tobin. You thought Tobin Heath was different. You thought somehow you two would find your way to each other - not just whatever you had between the two of you, but a real relationship with titles and commitments and promises. There was something there and she completely ruined it the moment she kissed Christen Press.

She’s asking you to speak, to say something because you’ve been quiet since she started talking. You look her in the eye and tell her she’s messed up big time. You tell her it’s too late to fix any of it.

You tell her you can’t try again with her because she took a shot to your heart you’re not sure she can take back.

 

 


	2. Friends

[ _My friends won’t love me like you._ ]

 

Tobin feels herself waking up slowly. She starts to gain feeling in her body, but keeps her eyes closed. It takes her a moment to realize that she’s in a position she’s found herself in a few times before. She’s not the only one in her bed. Her right arm’s slung low around a waist and her nose is pressed against bare skin that Tobin knows by now is a shoulder blade. She inhales the scent she can pick out of anywhere. Sweet vanilla with a hint of fruit. A slight smile finds her lips as she slowly exhales, finding her morning already better.

“Mm…” the other person makes a noise, signaling her wake. “Good morning.”

Tobin smiles, resting her chin on the other girl’s shoulder. “Morning Alex.”

The younger girl turns to face Tobin and greets her with a smile that Tobin would die to see every day. “Do you want to go make us coffee?” She bats her eyelashes, revealing her sea blue eyes.

“No, it’s your turn,” Tobin chuckles softly, rolling her eyes. “Nice try, Al.”

Alex pouts, her eyes widening. “Please? Yours is always better.”

The older girl frowns, knowing very well that Alex was using her pout against Tobin. “You’re evil.”

“Thanks Tobs!” Alex laughs, knowing that indeed she’s won. She hops out of bed, dashing off to the bathroom to get ready for the day like she always does.

Tobin shakes her head and watches her until she disappears down the hallway. She turns to lie flat on her back and stare at the ceiling with a slight smile on her face.

Alex Morgan and Tobin Heath are best friends. That’s what everyone says - that’s what everyone sees. The two are attached to the hip, and honestly neither of them can remember a proper life without the other. Best friends, they call them.  Really good best friends.

Tobin slowly makes her way into the kitchen to make the coffee she promised Alex she’d make. Moments later, after the coffee’s done brewing, Tobin feels arms sliding around her waist just as she’s putting creamer into Alex’s coffee.

“Hi there,” she says as she mixes the liquids together.

Alex presses her front into Tobin’s back, resting her head on Tobin’s shoulder. “Hello,” she replies tightening her grip on the shorter girl. “Thanks for the coffee.”

“You owe me,” Tobin half-teases, leaning back into her. “I can’t keep this up without charge.”

The blue-eyed girl lets out a careless laugh, shaking her head and digging her face into the nape of Tobin’s neck. “I’ll think about it,” she teases right back, mumbling against Tobin’s skin.

“You’re in charge of breakfast,” Tobin laughs, turning to face her. “Chop chop, Morgan.”

Alex lets out a long groan and drops her arms to her side. “I hate you.”

Tobin grins. “You really don’t.”

She chuckles as she watches Alex begrudgingly stomp towards the fridge to grab some frozen waffles to toss into the toaster.

Tobin’s not sure what they have between them. She knows it’s something. She isn’t imagining it, but as to what it is - she has no clue. They’d blurred the line somewhere so far back that Tobin couldn’t remember when they had ever been “just friends” in the most honest sense.

She knows how she feels about Alex. Hell, she’s known since the moment she met her. But where does Alex stand in all of this? It’s playful and fun, but there have been moments where it seems like it can be more than that. More than just a little game between the two. And then there are moments where it seems like Alex wants nothing more than what they have. Like she’s content on teetering on the line.

Quite frankly, it confuses the hell out of Tobin.

Satisfied that Alex was actually making breakfast, she turned and set their coffees on the table, then stretched her arms above her head, trying to shake all the tiredness out of her. As she did so, her old t-shirt lifted to show a very generous amount of Tobin’s stomach. She looks at Alex again in time to catch her opening gazing at her. The older girl flushes, bringing her hands back down.

“What?” she asks, quirking an eyebrow.

“Nothing,” Alex shakes her head with a slight smile before looking away. The toaster pops out the waffles and she turns to get them.

“Alexandra, were you checking me out?” Tobin asks with a slight smug smile.

“No,” the younger girl scoffs, but there’s a blush rising on her cheeks anyway.

The older girl lets it go, but a soft smile still plays her lips. She busies herself by throwing away small little pieces of trash she’s found on the counter from making their coffee just the way they like it. When she turns to face Alex, the plate of now-ready waffles is sitting on the table, but Alex is leaning against the counter opposite of Tobin and blue eyes are intently fixed on her. Tobin quirks an eyebrow in question. She opens her mouth to speak, but Alex beats to it.

“Come here,” she says with a soft rasp in her voice.

Alex is looking at her differently. She has been for awhile if Tobin had really been paying attention. Tobin’s expression shifts into confusion, but she follows Alex’s request by slowly walking over to her. They’re a couple of feet apart when Tobin comes to a stop.

“Yes?” she asks quietly.

She doesn’t know why they’re being so quiet. They’re the only two in this house - ever.

Alex’s eyes inspect her face, and suddenly Tobin feels self conscious.

“What?”

“How do you do that?” the younger girl questions, still inspecting her.

“Do what?” Tobin’s more confused than ever.

Alex laughs softly, brushing a strand of hair away from Tobin’s face. “Look perfect at every moment of the day,” she answers. “Really, we just woke up Tobin and you literally rolled out of bed looking like this.”

It’s enough to stun the slightly shorter girl. She’s not sure if she’s hearing it right. But she wants to believe she is. They’re looking at each other for a few moments before Tobin finally replies, “I mean, have you seen yourself?”

The blue-eyed girl giggles, still leaning her backside against the counter. “Now you’re teasing.”

“No,” Tobin shakes her head rather quickly. She takes a step closer to her. “I’m serious. You’re gorgeous when you wake up,” she whispers.

Alex blinks, then Tobin does too. Did she really just say that? What’s even going on right now?

“Come closer.”

Tobin obeys without a second thought.

Alex’s hand finds Tobin’s waist, part of her hand meeting the skin under the t-shirt, sending shivers down Tobin’s spine. Tobin’s body is buzzing. She’s trying to make sense of all of it, but her brain can’t seem to function properly.

“Hi,” she dumbly whispers, trying to keep her breathing steady. There’s hardly any space between them now and she’s positive Alex can hear her heartbeat from where she stands.

Alex’s eyes are flickering and Tobin are too. Both to the other’s lips.

“Hi,” Alex responds before leaning in and pressing her lips against Tobin’s.

Almost immediately Tobin responds, her arm hooking around Alex’s neck to pull her closer. Alex is deepening the kisses and Tobin forgets how loud her heartbeat is and that they’re “best friends” because she’s kissing Alex Morgan and it feels _so damn good_.

After a few minutes they pull away for air, but their foreheads are pressed together and they’re still sharing the same breath.

Tobin’s still trying to collect her thoughts, but she manages to say, “Alex. We just-”

“I know,” Alex responds, eyes flickering to Tobin’s lips again.

“This changes-” Tobin tries again, but she’s cut off once again.

“I know,” she replies again, but this time there’s a smile on her lips.

Tobin knows where Alex stands.

 

 


	3. I'm a Mess

[ _But for tonight I wanna fall in love and put your faith in my stomach]_

 

Tobin’s swaying. She’s making her way down the sidewalk, but it’s a miracle she’s staying on the side walk. Her eyes are seeing double, her mind’s in a million places, and her breath’s thick with alcohol. She has no clue what time it is - she doesn’t really care. All she knows is that it’s a dark sky save for the few starts she can see in the city sky.

Tobin can’t remember if it’s Friday, Saturday or Sunday night. She can’t remember what she did earlier that day before heading to the bar. However, she does remember why she’s drinking. She always does. It’s hard to forget. She drinks because she always gets that damn feeling in her every time. That feeling of her heart beating irrationally out of tune and her stomach flipping. That feeling of seeing the love of her life.

It’s not your typical best friends turned into lovers story. It’s not even the usual unrequited love story either. No, it’s different. It’s different because Tobin knows she doesn’t deserve the girl. She’s not anything near what the girl deserves. This girl deserves someone who’s loyal and loving and and committed and always there. Tobin isn’t. She’s scared, very scared. Commitment isn’t her thing. Loving all of someone in the way she wants to love this girl risks hurting her heart. It includes possibly getting her heart shattered into a thousand pieces. Or even worse, shattering the other girl’s heart into millions of pieces she can’t put back. She’s not sure which one would be worse.

So instead of risking it all, Tobin decided a long time ago to play it safe. Well, as “safe” as she believed possible. No, it wasn’t staying single and letting herself fade. No, it wasn’t finding someone else to pretend she was okay. It was letting girls approach her. It was buying them a drink and letting them flirt. It was drinking to the point where she was flirting back without a damn in the world. It was pressing her lips against their skin, exploring a new body every so often. It was hearing them scream out her name in their own voices when all she wanted was to hear that rasp.

And it’s happened so often that Tobin’s lost count.

She hates herself for it. She hates herself for what she’s turned into. There are times where she goes to church when everyone’s gone and gets down on her knees. Her eyes squeeze shut and her palms end up being pressed together so tightly that they’re red and raw by the time she’s done. Every time she prays, she finishes with tear stains on her face and her breathing ragged. She prays to God, apologize for living the way she does.

But Tobin doesn’t stop. She can’t at this point. It would hurt too much to stop. It would hurt to live every moment of her life knowing she can’t love the one she wants to. She can’t stay sober for long enough before she does something stupid like express her feelings that she’s tried so hard to keep inside.

 

Tobin doesn’t know how she ends up at this location. She knows the address by heart, of course. But if you asked her, she wouldn’t be able to tell you how she got there. Her head’s still spinning and it’s a challenge to even stay somewhat upright at this point. She never planned to make her way here, but she’s here now. She’s not sure how long it took her to walk here from the bar, and she’s still unsure what time it is. But she’s here.

Slowly, she guides herself up the pathway and to the front door. She leans against, pressing her forehead on the cool wood and takes a deep breath. She doesn’t know why she decided to come here. She shouldn’t be here. There are so many things that could go wrong. The owner of this house is sleeping - she has to be.

But Tobin knocks anyway. It’s a weak knock, but she hopes it’s enough to hear. She waits for a moment, then knocks again. And again. When there’s no answer, she knows the right decision is to turn around a leave, but somehow she’s pulling her phone out of her pocket and dialing the number she knows so well she can type it without even taking a second glance.

She’s greeted by a slurred “Hello?”

Tobin smiles. She loves hearing that voice. It seems more raspy than usual. “Hi Alex.” She pulls away from the door, deciding to press her hand against the bricks of the house for support instead.

“Why are you awake?” the girl other end asks.

“Open the door.”

“W-what?” Alex stutters, but Tobin can hear her shuffling across her house and soon enough the door is open. Alex blinks. “Tobin?”

“Uh...hi,” Tobin offers, hanging up before clumsily shoving her phone into her pocket.

The blue-eyed girl does the same, raising an eyebrow slowly. Her eyes squint at the girl in front of her. “It’s late...why are you here?”

Tobin opens her mouth to explain, but nothing comes out. She can’t even think of a reasonable explanation. Actually, she can’t think about much right now anyway. She doesn’t know why she’s here. Her feet - and maybe her heart - led her to Alex’s house. She’s standing in front of the girl she loves, drunk off her mind with her heart doing that stupid thing again.

Alex takes one more look at her before grabbing her wrist and leading Tobin inside. Tobin feels her skin burn at the contact. She wants more of it. She wants as much as she can get. The younger girl leads her to the kitchen, where Tobin can see a half empty bottle of alcohol on the counter.

“You’ve been drinking,” Tobin states, not knowing what else to say at this point.

Alex stares at her. “You have too.”

“I always do,” Tobin shrugs, as if it’s no big deal. She’s relying on Alex’s grip on her wrist to keep her upright, but when she feels herself falling, she grips onto the counter for support.

The younger girl shakes her head, letting go of Tobin’s wrists to instead grab her sides and hoist her up onto the counter. She places her hands on both arms.

“You drink too much.”

“I don’t,” Tobin insists, squinting at Alex’s blue eyes. “You’re overreacting.”

Alex sighs, shaking her head. “Please, don’t do this to me, Tobin. Don’t try to shut me out anymore.” Her hands slide down until they’re resting on top of Tobin’s hands and the older girl’s heart is beating so fast she’s afraid it’s about to burst.

_Alex Morgan you do the craziest things to me._

“Why do you drink so much?” Alex questions, her voice nothing than a whisper. She’s trying to search Tobin’s face, obviously less drunk than the girl in front of her. Maybe it’s not such a good idea to ask her right now. Maybe she should just wait. But it’s too late to take it back now.

Tobin stares at her in return for a long moment. So long she can feel Alex tense up just a little. She lets out a long sigh, hanging her head low. “So I won’t do anything stupid.”

“Stupid like what?” Alex presses, lifting Tobin’s chin to force eye contact. Tobin’s chin burns at her touch and she wants to pull Alex into her.

“Like stuff,” Tobin mumbles, hoping she won’t let anything slip.

Alex’s face somehow is only centimeters away now. “Stupid like this?” she asks.

Less than a moment later, her lips are crashing into Tobin’s and her hands are on either side of Tobin’s face, pulling her in. Tobin’s quick to run her hands through Alex’s hair, kissing her back so sloppily and hard that she’s not even sure who’s lips are who’s anymore. She wants more of Alex, more of everything so she quickly slides off of the counter, finding Alex’s waist rather quickly and pushes her back up against the refridgerator. Alex’s hands fly around Tobin’s neck, pulling her in. Tobin’s tongue slides into Alex’s mouth as she presses their bodies together, allowing no space between them. Alex’s hands are tangled in Tobin’s hair when Tobin pulls away.

“We really shouldn't…” she trails off, panting. “I can’t…”

“Tobin please…” Alex whimpers, going down to kiss Tobin’s neck.

Tobin pulls away far enough to be out of reach, making Alex’s ocean-colored eyes look up in confusion. “I can’t hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you,” she explains. “You deserve so much better.

Alex looks at her with broken eyes. “You already have hurt me. Every time you hook up with someone else.”

The older girl feels her stomach drop. Her ears are ringing and she’s not sure she heard right. She shouldn’t be doing this. She shouldn’t even be here. But she is. “Alex…”

“Please,” Alex rasps, tugging at Tobin to have the older girl pressed up against her again.

Tobin’s life is a mess. Tobin herself is a mess. This whole situation is a mess. It’s somewhere around four in the morning and she’s pressed up against the love her life. This shouldn’t be happening. This can’t be headed anywhere good. They’re both had drinks, and even though Alex is probably the one who’s more sober, this still isn’t safe.

She still leans in to kiss Alex anyway.

 

 


	4. Nina

[ _Love will come and love will go, but you can make it on your own._ ]

 

Alex has been different since she’s come home. Tobin can tell. Then again, Tobin can always tell. They’ve known each other since high school for crying out loud. So no, it’s not a surprise Tobin can tell something’s off. But Alex gets even more uneasy when Tobin pretends nothing’s wrong.

It’s the morning of Alex’s departure, and she’s sitting in the living room, curled up with her knees against her chest and a cup that used to be filled with coffee in her hands. She’s staring out the window just as the sun rises.

This hadn’t been one of Alex’s longer vacations, but she’ll take any vacation she can if it means coming home to see Tobin just for a little bit. But she’s not sure if it can stay like this forever. If she wants it to be like this forever for Tobin. The past three days were hard for her, knowing what’s in her mind maybe hasn’t even crossed Tobin’s at all, but she’s about to be off again for another few months and it seems like all her thoughts were going with her.

“So are you just going to leave me here to wonder why you’ve been acting so weird?”

Alex turns in surprise to see Tobin, half awake with her hair a mess and her t-shirt exposing more of her collar bone than it should, a few feet away. The older girl is messing with the hem of her shirt, chewing her lip as she awaits her girlfriend’s response.

The blue-eyed girl sighs, placing the empty cup on the table next to her. “How long have you been standing there, Tobin?”

“Long enough to know whatever’s bothering is must be really serious,” Tobin shrugs, offering a weak smile. “Your brows were furrowed a little too hard.”

Despite herself, Alex can’t help but smile at the comment. Of course Tobin noticed her little quirks. She always has. But the smile slowly slipped away as her previous thoughts returned. Tobin sees it and immediately takes a seat next to Alex.

“I’m here, you know,” Tobin says gently. “I can see when something’s not right.”

“Then why didn’t you say anything?”

The older girl shrugs, looking away. “I was hoping you’d say something instead of keeping it bottled up inside. You’re usually good at that,” she adds quietly. “telling me what’s on your mind.”

Alex lets out a long sigh, taking a good look at Tobin. It’s a sight she wishes she could see every day, in person, next to her. But given her lifestyle she couldn’t. Her career required her flying out not only across the country, but across the world. Tobin knew and understood that, just like the loyal, loving girlfriend she is.

“My flight leaves in a few hours,” she states.

“We packed everything last night,” Tobin reminds her.

Alex nods slowly. “I know.” After a moment she asks, “Can I take you with me?”

Tobin chuckles, pulling Alex close to her. “I wish, Lex.”

“So do I,” Alex groans, kissing the top of her head.

But still something’s different. Her mind’s too deep in thought and Tobin knows it. She knows because Alex isn’t being the same Alex she’s always been.

“But I’ll be here,” Tobin offers, trying to read Alex’s expression, but she can’t get anything. “I’ll be waiting for the next time you can come home. Just like I always am.”

The words should be comforting, but instead they make Alex cringle a little. She lets Tobin’s arms stay around her because it’s still comforting after all, but she looks at her, biting her bottom lip slightly.

“Maybe you shouldn’t be,” she comments so quietly Tobin believes she imagined it, but the look on Alex’s face says otherwise.

Honey brown eyes looked at the younger girl in slight confusion as an eyebrow quirked up. “What?”

Alex lets out a soft sigh, slipping out of Tobin’s grasp. She shifts to get a better look at the girl. “You don’t deserve to sit here and wait for me to come home, Tobin. You deserve to live your life.”

“And I do,” Tobin frowns, crossing her arms. “I live my life here in California.”

The younger one shakes her head. “Your life is literally spent here and in Jersey. I know you want to see more than just these places. You deserve so much more. You can’t sit here waiting for me forever.” Alex stands, picking up the cup and walking into the kitchen.

Tobin’s quick on her heels. “Maybe I don’t have a problem with that, Alex. Maybe I like it.”

“I know you, Tobin,” Alex scoffs, placing the cup into the dishwasher. “I know you want to live a little. Explore.”

“So? I’d rather be here when you come home rather than go out and be alone without you,” Tobin argues.

Alex turns to find Tobin right in front of her with her arms crossed and a slight frown on her face. “Tobin, I never know when I’m coming home next. I could be gone for a whole year for all I know!”

“I don’t care!” Tobin shouts, and really it surprises both of them because Tobin’s hardly ever one to yell in these situations. It’s usually Alex yelling and Tobin calming her down with a quieter tone. “I don’t care,” she repeats in a softer tone. “When we decided on this, I knew you were going to be gone from time to time.”

Alex shakes her head, looking at Tobin with sad eyes. “You deserve more than I can give you,” she manages to say. “You deserve someone who’s always with you. Someone who appreciates every aspect of you because they get to experience it every damn day, not because she only gets to see you for weeks or days out of each year.”

Tobin looks at Alex as if she’s been slapped. She even takes a stutter step backwards. Alex knows Tobin’s beginning to understand what this is all about, and it’s only a matter of time before it all falls apart.

“Are you saying you want to break up with me?”

The younger one closes her eyes, squeezing them shut as she shakes her head. “No - I don’t know, Tobin. I’m just saying...we should think about this before we keep going.”

“I thought that’s what we did when you career started to really take off,” Tobin says quietly. “The night you kissed me in the halls of UNC for the first time.”

Alex takes a deep breath, slowly opening her eyes. She knows what Tobin’s doing, and she knows Tobin isn’t trying to do it on purpose. It’s just who she is.

“I didn’t think I’d be gone this much,” she admits. “I didn’t think you’d be left waiting for me this often.”

It’s hard for her to even form the words on her tongue, but she’s forcing them out anyway. Three days was too short for her to even begin to explain what was on her mind, but there they are, standing in the kitchen the morning of Alex’s departure having a talk that seems too long overdue in Alex’s eyes.

“I’m home Alex,” Tobin tries, looking at her with her soft, friendly eyes that Alex had fallen for slowly but surely just a few years ago. “This is home for me.”

“Well it isn’t for me,” Alex replies, the words stinging both of them as soon as they’re in the open. “I don’t have a home anymore. I’m not around enough to call anything a home. The road’s my home now, Tobin. It’s all I know.”

“No,” Tobin says somewhat strictly. Her voice is shaking, but she takes a step towards Alex. Her shaking hands find Alex’s waist and Tobin just wants to melt at her touch. “The road and your job aren’t the only things you know. You know me.”

Alex’s head drops and her eyes close again, this time to blink back tears. She knows Tobin loves her, of course she’d be crazy to ignore that. She also knows she loves Tobin. But Tobin deserves better than she’s settling for and she needs to understand that.

“You need to find someone who’s here with you,” she says, sniffing to hold back anything else. She slowly lifts her head, blue eyes meeting brown. “Someone who deserves every perfect piece of you. Every smile, every laugh, every touch.”

“You do-”

“I don’t,” she laughs. It’s a broken, shattered laugh and she hates herself for it. “I really don’t. But you, Tobin Heath, you are going to find someone who loves you more than I ever can.”

“That doesn’t mean I’ll love someone more than I love you.”

“You don’t know that,” Alex sighs. “I think you will.”

This conversation’s breaking her; It’s breaking the both of them, but Alex knows it needs to be said, so she keeps going. She keeps going even though she can feel her and Tobin’s hearts breaking off piece by piece. She keeps going because Tobin will always be Tobin, and she won’t give up unless Alex gives her a reason to.

“I don’t think so,” Tobin tries again, resting her forehead against Alex’s.

Alex lets out a soft chuckle despite herself. “You, Tobin Heath, are an amazing soul. And I’m not worthy of it. It’s not going to work out, Tobs. You and me? You deserve-”

“Someone better, I know. You’ve said that at least three times already,” the older girl points out. “So what do you want me to do Alex?”

Alex exhales deeply, pulling away from Tobin’s forehead as she does so. She looks at her, putting her hands at Tobin’s shoulders as the older girl’s hands wrap around her. It’s making it harder to pull away, but Alex knows she has to do it soon.

“Don’t wait for me,” Alex orders her, keeping her eyes level with Tobin’s. “Go live your life. Go do whatever you want. Go explore more of the east coast. Wake up every morning to go surf on the east coast. Get yourself back into soccer, go coach a team. Maybe explore the world. Just please, Tobin,” she asks, her lips quivering as she tries to hold it together. “ _Live your life_. Live it without me holding you back. I don’t think I would ever forgive myself if I held you back any longer.”

Tobin takes in her words, staring at Alex as if her life depended on it. She bites her lip. “Does this mean I’ll never see you again?”

“I’m sure I’ll catch you from time to time,” Alex offers with a slight smile. She gulps before saying, “Fall in love, Tobin. If you find someone, and if you happen to feel something for them, go for it. Learn all the little things you love about them. Learn how their mind words. Learn them. And maybe you’ll find more about yourself along the way.”

“And what about you?” Tobin asks. “Am I supposed to let you roam around the world focusing solely on your job?”

“I’ll find myself too,” Alex promises. “I’ll go out, explore when I have the chance and come home to tell my family all about it. Just please, Tobin. Don’t let me hold you back.”

Tobin nods and they’re left looking at each other, steady heartbeats and even breathing reminding them they’re still alive. Time’s slipping away and Alex knows she needs to pull away from Tobin soon or else she’ll give in, but she needs just a few more moments to treasure the older girl’s grasp.

“If things work of the way they’re supposed to,” Tobin begins, looking at Alex carefully. “And we happen to find each other again, and you end up sticking around…do you think we’d have another shot?”

Alex is surprised at the question, but manages to give her a half-hearted smile. The chances of it happening are slim to none, but Tobin’s always been a dreamer. It’s been one of Alex’s many favorite things about Tobin.

She doesn’t have the heart to say no, so instead she answers, “I guess we’ll have to see.”

Tobin only nods, a sad smile tugging at her lips. She looks at Alex, really looks at her and lets out a soft sigh. Alex looks at the clock on the wall behind Tobin and sighs, pulling away from her embrace.

“I should start getting my things together.”

Her sides suddenly feel cold without Tobin’s arms around her. She makes her way to their shared bedroom to start bringing it all to the front door.

“We’ll leave when you’re ready?” Tobin calls from the living room.

It pains Alex because she knows she can’t accept. “It’s okay, I’ll call a cab.”

“Okay,” Tobin sighs, and in her voice Alex can hear defeat.

They’re both coming to terms with the fact they’re really doing this. There’s no Tobin and Alex anymore. It’s only Tobin. It’s only Alex. They’re not really together.

 

Once all her bags are ready and the cab pulls up, the driver offers to put Alex’s bags in the back for her to give her a moment say goodbyes. Alex knows she probably shouldn’t because she just might end up kissing Tobin and telling her to forget their whole conversation, but the driver’s already lugging her things to the cab. So instead she sighs and turns to Tobin.

“Good luck out in the world,” Tobin smiles a little. “You’re going to kill ‘em, Alex. You always do.”

Alex laughs softly. “Thank you, Tobin. You stay safe, okay?”

“When don’t I?” Tobin teases, and Alex has to laugh or else she’d end up crying because she knows she might not see Tobin for years now.

Before either of them can stop themselves, they’re wrapped up in a tight hug, Alex’s arms around Tobin’s waist and Tobin’s around Alex’s middle. Alex takes in the scent of Tobin. The ocean and a slight whiff of vanilla. Her favorite mix. She holds on a little tighter, realizing this might be the last time she gets a hug like this.

“Alex, you have to go,” Tobin’s breath tickles her ear. She may be telling her she has to leave, but she’s still holding Alex tightly.

“Right…” Alex nods and somehow finds the will to pull away.

She’s met with Tobin’s eyes looking at her intensely. She can feel the familiar feeling she’s felt so many times before, but this time when Tobin leans in, she forces herself to turn so all Tobin’s left with is her cheek.

Tobin realizes her wrongdoing and takes a step back, shoving her hands into her pockets. “Bye Alex,” she clears her throat.

“Bye Tobs,” she says gently, offering a small wave and climbing into the back of the taxi.

The driver begins to drive off, and Alex is left to see Tobin growing smaller as they go. She notices Tobin stays until they can’t see her anymore, and Alex knows Tobin probably stayed a little longer than that.

She turns, knowing it’s the last time she’ll come home to Tobin. Possibly forever.


	5. Photograph

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of "Nina"

[ _Where our eyes are never closing, hearts are never broken and time’s forever frozen still._ ]

 

Winters in England were cold. Even with the hotel room’s heater turned all the way up - or as far up as Alex decided she wanted it - it wasn’t enough to keep her warm. She’d been in Europe for almost two weeks now and the holidays were rapidly approaching. When she looked out her window, all she saw was blankets of white. The snow was beautiful, some of the most beautiful she had ever seen, but it wasn’t home. It wasn’t the sunny yet cold weather she grew up in.

No matter how much she traveled, no matter how many places she’d seen or how many sights she’d get to see that others only dreamed of, there was nothing compared to home. There was nothing more comforting than the California weather, with warm sweaters and arms around her.

It’d been so long since there’d been any arms around her actually. The thought sent chills down her spine. She missed the arms that would slide around her waist in the morning as she got ready for her day. She could feel the slightly chapped lips still on her neck. She could see the honey brown eyes reading so well like a book that’s been read by the same pair of eyes thousands of times.

Alex missed her.

With the soft murmur of the TV going on, Alex slipped out of her very comfortable position in the bed and shuffled over to her suitcase. She flipped it open, digging to the very bottom. She finally pulled out a baby blue jacket. She held it in her hands as she inhaled, even though she knew the scent she was looking for would be long gone. It was a mix of detergent and Alex’s vanilla scent. There was nothing left of the citrus smell she was so desperately looking for.

With a sigh, she digs a hand into the front pocket of the hoodie until she feels a small, thin square brush across her skin. She bit her lip, gently pulling it out of the pocket. She held it at the bottom so the actual image would stay intact. Her eyes softened at the sight of the image in her hand. Her heart hurt at the person sitting next to her.

“Tobs,” she said, but it came it out in nothing more a whisper.

The image she held in her hand was taken back when Tobin’s latest obsession was polaroids. She’d always loved photography, but polaroids were her favorite thing at the time. They were outside, fall leaves scattered around them. They’re both sitting on the ground and Tobin’s arms are around Alex. The blue-eyed girl’s in the middle of laughing, eyes squinted and head thrown back with her hand squeezing Tobin’s knee. Tobin had a big, opened-mouthed smile on her face, but she wasn’t even looking at the camera. Her eyes were half open, but they were looking at Alex. The way Tobin looked at her still gave Alex a warm feeling. The older girl was completely mesmerised by the younger one.

Alex took a sharp inhale, trying to suppress the feelings that were returning to her. She closed her eyes for a moment, forcing back tears she had sworn from falling. It’d been months, but she was still so vulnerable. The terrible, aching pain in her heart never faded no matter what. Work was the only thing that could distract her. City to city, flight to flight, getting her job done was all that mattered. It was the moments she was alone or not busy that her thoughts got the best of her and she felt like crumbling to the ground.

Checking the time, she realized she should probably get some sleep because she had a flight to catch in a few hours. She took one last look at the picture and tucked it back into the pocket of the jacket before placing it all back into her suitcase. She crawled into bed, turning onto her side.

Wherever Tobin was in the world, Alex hoped she was thinking of her. She wanted Tobin to be happy. That’s why she let her go in the first place. But a moment of selfishness wanted Tobin to be just as miserable as she was. Maybe it’d be enough to bring them back together.

 

 


	6. One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3rd/final part of the Nina series

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to a good friend of mine for giving me the idea of making Nina in to a mini-series with these songs awhile ago. This one's for you.

[ _‘Cause you are the only one_ ]

The streets of New York felt slightly unfamiliar to her. She spent a lot of time here years ago, but that was when she was young and still had control of her schedule - before she was traveling all over the world. It felt nice knowing she’d be in one place for longer than a week. It felt even better to know she wouldn’t be staying in a hotel, but in the comfort of a friend’s home. She could’ve gone back to her home in California to enjoy her time off, but for some reason she found herself on the opposite side of the country.

The familiarity of the woman sitting in the driver’s seat was reassuring. It reminded her that she hadn’t completely lost touch with her past. She was still Alex Morgan before being _Alex Morgan_ , and this proved it. The freckled woman didn’t care what she did - well she did, but she didn’t make a big deal out of it when unnecessary - and she liked Alex for being an idiot that she could be, not for the big things that made it in the headlines.

“So glad you got rid of your other car,” Alex said, her fingers running along the armrest of her seat. The new leather smell was faint, but it was still present, showing the car had almost settled in.

Kelley let out a snort, rolling her eyes. “Shut up, you loved that car. It’s what got us places when we were younger.”

“Sure, but it died on us a few times. That thing was old even when you first got it,” Alex reminded her, but she smiled anyway at the thought of all the crazy antics that the two of them got into.

Her smile faded at the reminder of other memories where she’d be sitting in the passenger’s seat and look back to make eye contact with the brunette in the back seat. She remembered those days, no matter how long ago they were. It was that very reason that she wanted to be on the east coast in the first place. Not too far away from Kelley house, maybe someone between thirty minutes to an hour, was that same brunette in New Jersey. Back to her roots.

Alex couldn’t say that she was surprised the other girl found herself back in Jersey. It seemed fitting, really. The girl was all about family, and when it came down to it, the most important people in her life were God and her family. Alex used to be up there with those two at one point in her life. There wasn’t a day that went by that she wished she still was.

_“If things work of the way they’re supposed to, and we happen to find each other again, and you end up sticking around…do you think we’d have another shot?”_

The words whispered in Alex’s ears. They’ve been there for months now.

“How is she?” she asked, looking out the window attempting to make the comment casually as if without an actual thought.

Kelley glances at her out of the corner of her eye for a long moment before her eyes shift back to the road in front of them. She didn’t have to ask to know who Alex was talking about. “She’s good. Happy,” she answered.

No matter how many people Kelley had seen Alex with, she knew it was almost going to come back to one person. That’s why she held back in answered, trying to keep is short. It wasn’t a conversation they needed to have at the moment.

Alex nodded slowly, eyes still glued to the buildings they passed on the way to Kelley’s place. “Good.” She let the silence sit for a minute before asking, “Is she...seeing anyone?”

Kelley took a moment to reply. Too long. “Yes.”

Alex mistook it for nothing more than an awkward conversation between with her and someone who was stuck in the middle. She should’ve known better. Instead, she let the silence sit for the rest of the ride home.

Alex stared at her phone, processing. The name at the top was almost foreign to her screen. There were so many emotions going through her, but her expression remained blank. She blinked once, twice. The name was still there. Somehow she managed to swipe to answer the call before it ended.

“Hello?”

“Alex?”

The air left Alex’s lungs. She hadn’t heard the voice in so long. She allowed herself the moment, closing her eyes. “Yeah, it’s me,” she replied softly.

“Oh good,” the person on the other end replied. Alex heard what sounded like a small sigh of relief. “It’s Tobin.”

“Hey,” Alex laughed. “I know. I have your number, Tobin.” It felt good to hear her voice and to laugh at something she said after so long.

“Right,” Tobin let out an awkward laugh.

Alex smiled, shaking her head. Tobin was still the same. After all these years, the smile still appeared so effortlessly on her face because of the woman on the other end.

“So,” Tobin picked up again. “I heard from Kelley you’re on the east coast for awhile.”

“You heard right,” Alex confirmed, quirking an eyebrow. Why would Kelley tell her that? “And I heard you’re back home in Jersey.”

“Mhmm,” Tobin confirmed with a hum. “Been back for about a year and half. It’s nice, being home.”

_“I’m home Alex. This is home for me.”_

Home used to be California. Home used to be Alex. It wasn’t anymore. They’d come full circle. And maybe full circles meant new beginnings. Or so Alex hoped.

“What about you, superstar?” her voice broke Alex out of her thoughts. “What are you doing out here?”

“I think I’ll be sticking around for awhile,” Alex admitted. “Nice break from the endless cycle.”

“Good.”

“Yeah?” Alex asked, trying desperately not to get her hopes up. She looked at the mess inside her suitcase. Tarheel blue peeped through.

“Yeah, because I think we should see each other soon. We can catch up.”

The blue-eyed woman bit her lip, trying to contain her response. “I’d like that.”

“Me too.”

New beginnings.

Alex was bothered when she arrived at the cafe a few weeks later. She’d been getting ready to go out to meet Tobin, tossing her phone in her purse when Kelley saw her and almost tripped over herself.

“Where are you off to?” she asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“Meeting with Tobin at the cafe a few blocks down.” Alex didn’t bother to hide the eagerness in her voice. She didn’t feel like she needed to with Kelley.

Kelley’s eyes grew wide and she rubbed the back of her neck. “Al, be careful.”

Alex quirked an eyebrow, wondering what the warning was for. “What are you talking about?”

“Tobin’s girlfriend-”

“I know she has a girlfriend,” the taller one briskly cut off. “I’m an adult and I can handle myself.”

“No Alex,” Kelley’s tone sounded pleading. Whatever she had to say seemed so important that Alex closed her mouth and looked at her expectantly. Once she had the woman’s full attention, Kelley began again. “Tobin’s girlfriend proposed.”

It was like a slap in the face.

Now she skimmed the cafe, looking for the hair she used to play with for hours on the couch back in California. Once she caught sight of Tobin, she had to remember to breathe because her memories did Tobin no justice - neither did social media. Her earlier mood went away rather quickly as she made her way over.

“Hey,” Alex said, letting out a small breath.

“Hi,” Tobin smiled up at her and Alex remembered why she’d fallen in love with her in the first place. She got up and greeted her by wrapping her arms around Alex’s upper back. “Welcome back, superstar.”

Alex laughed softly, hugging Tobin’s middle gently. “Thanks.”

Tobin pulled away a moment later, and the two of them sat down. The older one’s hands her shoved in the pockets of her jacket, and Alex mentally scolded herself for not checking for the ring earlier. Tobin used her left hand to hold the drink she order, leaving Alex no clues as to what happened.

“So...how have you been?”

Thirty minutes later, they were laughing over an encounter Alex had with someone in Scotland. It felt so natural for Alex to be in this situation again, to be with Tobin again. It was hard not to reach over and take her hand, or to just kiss her. A phone chimed and Alex looked down at hers, but saw nothing new.

“I think it’s mine,” Tobin chuckled, pulling her phone out of her pocket, along with her right hand. She kept her attention on her phone momentarily, but that moment was all it took for Alex to see it. The ring sitting on Tobin’s fourth finger.

“You’re getting married?” she blurted out, quickly trying to wipe the look of shock or hurt off her face.

Tobin looked up from her phone, surprised, then glanced down at her finger. “Oh um, yeah,” she said slowly, a small smile on her face. She put her phone back in her pocket, but kept her hand out, twisting the ring. “I um..while you were gone, I found myself,” she explained. “I went around for a little bit, but I figured it all out when I came home. She was...she’s the one.”

Alex listened, but she could feel her insides threatening to fall apart at any given moment. “Oh. How long have you two…”

“Been together?” Tobin filled in for her, the mood suddenly shifting. “About two years?”

The younger one nodded slowly, knowing how stupid she was to think new beginnings could start up like this. “Congratulations,” she managed. “Tell me how you met.”

She didn’t want to know, but she didn’t want Tobin to see just how much she was breaking. She made a mental note to go to the first bar she found on the way back to Kelley’s.

Alex could hear the sounds of their voices from the guest room. She could hear just how sickeningly sweet Kelley could be with her girlfriend. Drunk and alone, Alex wanted to tune them out. It was a miracle she walked all the way to the guest room without getting lost or disturbing the house enough to get Kelley to check on her. She didn’t want to see Kelley, not when Alex knew she’d get that look full of pity because Kelley knew Alex made a mistake when she let Tobin go years ago.

She’d managed to snack a beer from the fridge on her wobbly trip back to the guest room and she drank from it now. She needed to forget as much as she could. Just as Alex thought she was figuring things out in her life, Tobin had run off, found a girlfriend and was now getting married. It wasn’t her fault, though. It was Alex’s. Alex was the one to let her go. She was the one who told Tobin to go find herself, and love someone when she had the chance to. At the time, Alex didn’t realize that loving someone else meant loving someone else that wasn’t her.

She had lost Tobin. She didn’t even lose her - she let her go. She’d let something so good slip from her grasp without even realizing how much it would hurt. Alex’s eyes were still releasing tears hours into the night. Tobin was the one for her. She’d known it all along, but she foolishly believed they’d somehow end up being okay without each other. Tobin was okay without her. It wasn’t the same the other way around. For some reason, she believed there was a slim chance that Tobin was still waiting for her. As she flew from city to city, Alex didn’t realize that she’d been waiting for Tobin. Nothing else worked out for her because she decided a long time ago that Tobin was her answer.

But maybe, she hadn’t lost Tobin completely. Before lovers, they were friends. Friends before anything. Back when Tobin was still pretty shy and awkward and all she wanted to do was juggle a damn ball around everywhere.

**We’ll still be friends, right?**

She’s not sure how she managed to sent the text correctly. She didn't get a reply until the morning with dried tears on her face and a pounding headache.

**Of course.**

 


	7. Tenerife Sea

[ _'Cause all that you are is all that I'll ever need_ }

 

You know you shouldn’t go In fact, you both agreed that it’d be best if you didn’t attend. It was too much of a risk, and risk you weren’t willing to take if it meant hurting her. But sitting at home alone, you knew this was the last night you’d be able to see her. Your parents are forcing you off to boarding school as soon as the school says yes, and you know it’ll be goodbye California, hello Massachusetts in a matter of minutes. Yes, you’ll miss surfings in the mornings, beach bumming on a regular, and everything else you love about California, but there’s something - someone - you’ll miss more. You treaded a dangerous line when it came to her, and you don’t regret a single minute of it. You don’t because you’re in love with her and you’d go to the ends of the earth for her.

That’s exactly what got you in trouble. Loving her.

If you’re already being shipped away, you might as well take one more risk. They’re taking your phone and any contact you’d be able to have with anyone in California that’s not your family, so you know this is really your last chance. Immediately, you get up and dig through your closet, cursing yourself because you don’t have a dress that could match the caliber of what you’re about to stumble into. With a long sigh, you look at yourself in the mirror and know if you have to see her again, you can’t do it dressed as something that isn’t you.

Fuck it, you think, grabbing the first pair of khakis you see along with a button down shirt. You smirk, taking your favorite beanie and propping it on anyway even though you know you’re going to look stupid walking in so casually.

You just want to see her again.

Somehow, you’ve managed to sneak yourself into this enormous event. Really, it wasn’t too hard with the amount of people flowing into the building. Naturally, you’ve found yourself hiding spots in attempt to find her. You don’t want to be seen; you pray to God no one you know has soon you because you don’t need anymore questions or ridicule. You make it deeper into the building, trying to keep yourself out of sight. It’s then that you finally see her, and you’re stunned. You’re frozen and speechless, and if someone were to see you there you probably wouldn’t give a damn because you’re looking at your angel sent from heaven and she’s never looked more perfect than right this second.

Her hair’s in soft curls down her back, her light brown hair shining when it catches the light. She’s donned in a soft blue dress that comes down to her knees, and when she twirls it sparkles, making her skin glow. It makes her eyes brighter than you’ve ever seen them before, and when you catch a glimpse of those beautiful ocean blue eyes, you can tell she’s not all the way there, and you know it’s because of you. It tugs at your heart and you need to hold her now. You need to talk to her, to hear that rasp in her voice one more time. She’s with a few friends who can’t seem to keep her attention because her mind’s somewhere else. She holds a fake smile but you know she’s capable of a smile that leaves you breathless every time you see it.

You don’t know how to get her attention; it’s too loud to whisper her name and you don’t want to shout because that would just cause heads to turn. You watch her a moment longer and lean against the wall, still partially hidden. Just when you think of risking it and calling out her name, she turns and finds you in the crowded area. Her eyes light up with the spark they were missing moments ago, and it makes your insides twist. You offer her a slight smile and she quickly - as fast as she can with killer heels - makes her way over. Immediately, her arms are wrapped around your neck and you slide your arms around her slender waist, feeling the fabric of the dress rub against your skin. Closing your eyes, you inhale her scent and clench your jaw to stop whatever lump was forming in your throat. You won’t cry. Not here. Not when she’s in your arms.

“You’re not supposed to be here,” she whispered in your ear before pulling away to look at you.

You know you’re not supposed to be here. You know you should’ve stayed at home, but god damn it feels too good to have her close to you.

Seeing her up close leaves you more breathless than you had been minutes ago. She’s looking at you with concern and surprise and you’ve yet to say a word. “I…Wow. You’re so gorgeous,” you lamely mumble.

She gives you a soft smile and says, “Thanks, but what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be at home?”

You shake your head, taking her hands in yours. “I had to see you. I don’t know when I’m being shipped off, but if it’s tomorrow then I’m glad that I’m seeing you right now.”

They’re unnoticed by the people that pass them, but as the seconds tick you no longer care about who sees you with her because you know word’s going to spread around the town any way. It’s possibly your last chance to be with her and you don’t want anything to get in the way of that.

Her blue eyes are watering, and she begins to blink rapidly to try to keep them away. “I’m so sorry, Tobin. I don’t want you to go. If only I’d just-”

“No,” you shake your head firmly. “It’s not your fault. It’s not my fault. It’s not anyone’s fault. We couldn’t hide forever,” you point out, a sad smile on your lips.

“I know, but-”

“No buts,” you cut her off again, wanting her worries to go away. “We’re going to enjoy the time we have left together, no matter how limited it is.” The song changes to a tune you know she loves; it’s slow and sweet with a strange uplifting beat when ironically the words hurt your heart. “Dance with me,” you say, offering your hand.

“What?”

A soft, low chuckle escapes your lips. “Alex, I came here from the other side of town to see you one last time and I’ll be damned if I don’t get at least one dance with my beautiful girlfriend tonight.”

A smile breaks onto her lips and she takes your hand effortlessly as the two of you fall into step. “You know, I was kind of hoping if you did show up, I’d finally get to see you in a dress,” she admits as her other hands rests on your shoulder.

Your free hand slides onto her hip, tugging her closer. “Do you think I own any dresses for an occasion like this?”

She laughs, and god that laugh is so melodic that you could hear it forever. You pull her even closer now, wrapping both arms around her waist now and resting your chin on her shoulder as the two of you slowly sway to the music. You’re going to miss this; being this close to her has a dizzying effect on you that you still haven’t figured out. When you close your eyes, all you can see is her blue eyes looking at you the way she doesn’t look at anyone else. You know she’s the one; you’re young and you’re reckless and dumb, but you know for a fact she’s the one.

There’s chatter all around you; it’s all people who won’t shut up and enjoy the moment, but that’s okay. This moment’s hers and yours, and you know you don’t care anymore who sees. You’re in love with Alexandra Patricia Morgan and you don’t give a damn who knows it.

She’s clutching onto you tightly, her hands wrapped around your neck and her head buried into the nape of your neck. You know in a sense this is your goodbye, and you know before you go you’ll kiss her one last time. You’re not ready to say goodbye, but as long as this is the way it’s happening, it’s more than okay.

“I love you,” she whispers, barely audible enough for you to hear. You can hear by the rasp and crack in her voice that she’s trying not to try. She’s trying to be brave like you’ve showed her so many times in the past and that alone makes you want to cry.

But instead you lift your head and let your lips brush against her ear as you reply, “Alexandra, I love you more than you could ever imagine.”

 


End file.
